12 Stages of Transforming into a New Mom

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  1. Mentally apologizing to your friends who had children before you for any naive behavior, unrealistic requests, and judgy thoughts. Along with this, viewing your parents and childhood with a new lens. Word of the day: humbling.
  2. Instantly becoming terrible at communication and planning. Goodbye reliability, hello unpredictability!
  3. Your Facebook account transforming from a well-rounded, politically active, adventure-documented site to a forum for baby pictures and crowdsourced baby questions...or going completely dark.
  4. Giving up on caring or trying to prevent or even clean up bodily fluids on you. Uggh, what's the point? In 30 seconds, she's going to slobber/spit up/snot/pee/poop on me again. Seriously, don't touch me without a hazmat suit.
  5. Becoming EnRaGeD by your husband coming home 10 minutes later than normal during the newborn days. "Yes, I know you're only 10 minutes late, but if you understood what this is like, you would have been 10 minutes early!"
  6. Figuring out which type of mom you are and looking for your kindred spirits. I thought I would be the mom with the compostable diapers and zero screen time, but turns out I'm the mom who invariably forgets the diaper bag. Oh, that mom over there forgot her pacifier and carrier- hello, friend!
  7. Getting on a first-name basis with your pediatrician's advice nurse helpline. "Hi Cheryl, it's me again, from earlier today..."
  8. Go from being weirded out by the mom who talks about her nipples after just meeting each other to being the weird mom talking about her nipples.
  9. Becoming completely obsessed with your baby and reminding yourself to try to act like a normal social human who has interests beyond sleep schedules and poopy diapers (you don't). Wait, maybe they want to hear about my nipples! (they don't)
  10. Desperately trying to impart your "knowledge" on other new moms so they don't have to struggle through the same problems even though you're probably just annoying them. (except me, I love all the advice- please send pronto!)
  11. Wondering if you're the least put-together parent at daycare drop-up. Why yes, my baby did just projectile spit up at the classroom entrance blocking all incoming traffic while I am (badly) balancing her, a bottle bag, diapers, and marshmallowy sleepsuit with my shoes half on/half-off and wet hair twisted into some tornado-y..."let's-call-it-a-bun."
  12. Loving it all! (And becoming the cheesy mom who ends the list with "loving it all!")

 

-New Momma Friend of BridgeCare

 

To the new moms and dad out there, we see you. Parenthood is messy and beautiful. What would you add?

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